An Ugly Truth! =( Where did my happiness go so suddenly?

okay, this is something that happened and actually affected me very much. Yesteday as I said i was at my mom's and I didn't wanted to stay, so I started making up excuses such as "I'm just a bother with this so many people in here..., I'm just annoying right now" (which I still think it was partly true) and my cousin overheard as and today he make a joke about it, because I told him to move so I could watch the Tv and he said "damn, you're so annoying. I don't understand what happened to you last night. Like I heard you said you were a bother and I was like 'what's up with Roxy?'". Okay, it doesn't seem like a joke here (partly because it wasn't funny at all), but it was supposed to be. I got affected because I was sensitive about the subject before. I wanted to say:

"WELL I DIDN'T ACTUALLY THINK THAT. I THOUGHT YOU WHERE THE BOTHER AND NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE STAYING HERE, IT'S BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LET ME GO! I STAYED BECAUSE I WAS REQUESTED TO BUT I ACTUALLY SPENT A PRETTY AWFULL NIGHT AND I'M TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT OR YOU ALL RIGHT NOW. I DO NOT FEEL LIKE THIS IS MY HOME ANYMORE, AND SPECIALLY THESE DAYS, AND I WANT-TO-GO-HOME!!! BECAUSE HERE I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AND AS THE OUTSIDER I AM. I CAN'T LISTEN FULLY COMFORTABLE TO MY MUSIC, WATCH MY VIDEOS WITHOUT GETTING A LONG SPEECH ABOUT GAYS AND ETC, AND I'M ALSO GETTING TIRED OF THE RELIGIOUS INTOLERANT SHIT YOU HAVE GOING ON HERE! PLEASE LET ME ALONE!!!! I-DO-NOT-WANT-TO-BE-HERE!!"

I know... it's cruel and bad intentioned... That's why I didn't say it. But I can't help thinking it, feeling it. Since I can help say it, I rather not to. 'Cause it might not be clear here, but I do care about my family and I don't want them to suffer, so I keep my cruel thoughts for myself. I rather cry and cut myself before I tell them how sick I am of their intolerant shit, and that some of their comments actually get me personal, 'cause they're talking about me sometimes!!!

And I am actually NOT exagerating about that. I do not want to say what, but some things they don't aprove and speak ill about are things that I do or like... You should look the grin on their faces, hear the words they say... It just hurts ya' know?? And it's not like I could say anything (I will do it, though) because I'm just fourteen and let's face it, no matter how serious my comments could be they still think I do not know what I want or know nothing about life. OK, maybe I don't know pretty much about the hard life some of my family members have had, but I do know about MY life, and how I feel about it.

I am actually happy right now, and I was really cheerfull before, but I had to get this out of my chess, speacially because I was trying to keep it inside and just let it go... But I realized I couldn't... To get over it, I had to grite it. =/ I would like nobody to read this, though. Well, at least I'm sure about that.=D xD